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This quiz helps you identify your dominant communication style—through 20 scenarios designed to encourage honest self-reflection. By selecting responses that reflect your typical behavior, you’ll gain insight into your communication patterns. At the end, a curated list of resources will guide you toward developing your assertiveness and interpersonal skills.

Instructions

• For each question, choose one option (A, B, C, D, or E) that most closely matches how you would typically respond.
• Record your answers (e.g., 1A, 2C) to track them.
• After completing the quiz, use the scoring guide to determine your primary communication style.
• Review the detailed interpretation to understand your style’s strengths, challenges, and steps to develop assertiveness.
• Explore the resources section to pursue your communication goals.

Quiz Questions

1. A colleague presents your joint project idea as their own during a meeting, and your boss praises them. How do you respond?

• A: Later, privately say, “I noticed you presented our idea solo. I’d like us to clarify our contributions to the team next time.”
• B: In the meeting, say, “Actually, that was a team effort. I contributed significantly to that idea.”
• C: Smile and say nothing, assuming it’s not worth the fuss.
• D: After the meeting, comment to another colleague, “Impressive how some people claim all the glory, isn’t it?”
• E: Approach them later and say, “I’m thrilled the boss loved the idea. Let’s make sure we both get recognized next time, okay?”

2. Your manager assigns you a high-priority task that conflicts with your current workload, and they seem unaware of your capacity. What do you do?

• A: Say, “I’m committed to delivering quality work. Can we review my priorities to fit this in effectively?”
• B: Respond, “My plate’s full already. Someone else needs to handle this.”
• C: Accept the task quietly and work late to complete everything.
• D: Say, “I’ll try to squeeze it in, but don’t expect miracles with my schedule.”
• E: Reply, “I’ll make it work because I know it’s important to you, but it’s going to stretch me thin.”

3. A friend repeatedly texts you during work hours, disrupting your focus, despite knowing your schedule. How do you address it?

• A: Call them and say, “I value our chats, but work hours are tough for me. Can we connect evenings instead?”
• B: Text back, “I’m working! Stop blowing up my phone.”
• C: Ignore their texts and respond later without mentioning the issue.
• D: Text, “Wow, you must have a lot of free time today.”
• E: Say, “I feel bad not replying, but I’m swamped at work. Can you save the texts for after hours?”

4. In a team brainstorming session, a colleague dismisses your suggestion without discussion. How do you react?

• A: Say, “I’d like to explore my suggestion further. Can we discuss its potential before moving on?”
• B: Snap, “You didn’t even listen to my idea. That’s not how we collaborate.”
• C: Drop your idea and support the group’s direction.
• D: Mutter under your breath, “Guess my ideas don’t matter here.”
• E: Later, say to them, “I was surprised you dismissed my idea. I thought it had potential, didn’t you?”

5. Your teammate fails to prepare for a critical presentation, risking the team’s credibility. How do you handle it?

• A: Before the presentation, say, “I noticed you’re not fully prepared. Let’s allocate roles to ensure we deliver well.”
• B: Confront them, “You’re unprepared? You’re going to tank this for all of us!”
• C: Cover for them during the presentation without addressing their lapse.
• D: Afterward, say to another teammate, “Some people clearly didn’t bother preparing.”
• E: Pull them aside and say, “I know you’re busy, but we really needed you ready. Can we count on you next time?”

6. Your boss gives vague feedback on your project, leaving you unsure how to improve. What do you do?

• A: Ask, “Can you specify which areas need improvement? I want to align with your expectations.”
• B: Say, “That feedback’s too vague. You need to be clearer.”
• C: Nod and try to guess what they meant later.
• D: Later, tell a colleague, “Good luck figuring out what the boss wants.”
• E: Say, “I’m grateful for the feedback. Could you share more details so I can make it perfect for you?”

7. A close friend hasn’t returned a personal item they borrowed months ago. How do you approach it?

• A: Say, “I noticed you still have my item. Can we arrange a time for you to return it?”
• B: Text, “You still have my stuff! Give it back already.”
• C: Don’t mention it, hoping they’ll return it eventually.
• D: Joke, “I’m starting to think you’ve adopted my item permanently.”
• E: Say, “I miss that item—it’s special to me. Can you bring it back soon?”

8. A coworker’s frequent side conversations during meetings distract you from contributing. How do you respond?

• A: During a break, say, “The side talks make it hard for me to focus. Can we keep discussions on track?”
• B: Interrupt, “Can you save the chit-chat for later? We’re trying to work here.”
• C: Stay focused on the meeting and ignore their behavior.
• D: Sigh visibly and say, “Some of us are actually paying attention.”
• E: Later, say, “I know meetings can drag, but the side talks make it tough for me to contribute.”

9. Your manager asks for your opinion on a new policy, but you know they dislike disagreement. What do you say?

• A: “I see the policy’s intent, but I have some concerns about its impact. Can we discuss potential adjustments?”
• B: “This policy won’t work. It’s going to cause problems.”
• C: Say, “It looks fine to me,” even if you have reservations.
• D: Shrug and say, “I guess we’ll see how it goes.”
• E: Reply, “I’m sure you’ve thought it through, but I wonder if we could tweak a few things.”

10. A family member criticizes your career choices during a gathering, making you uncomfortable. How do you respond?

• A: Say, “I appreciate your perspective, but I’m confident in my path. Let’s talk about something else.”
• B: Retort, “My career’s my business, not yours. Back off.”
• C: Change the subject to avoid confrontation.
• D: Laugh and say, “Well, I guess I’m the family disappointment then.”
• E: Say, “It hurts when you criticize my choices. I’d love your support instead.”

You’re half-way there…

11. Your project partner submits work that’s below standard, delaying progress. How do you address it?

• A: Say, “I reviewed your work and noticed some gaps. Can we go over it together to meet the standard?”
• B: Email, “Your work’s subpar, and it’s holding us back. Fix it.”
• C: Revise their work yourself to meet the deadline.
• D: Tell another teammate, “Guess who’s dropping the ball again.”
• E: Say, “I know you’re swamped, but the work needs some tweaks. Can we make it quick?”

12. A colleague challenges your data during a high-stakes presentation, catching you off guard. What do you do?

• A: Respond, “Thanks for the question. Let me clarify the data’s source and address your concern.”
• B: Snap, “My data’s solid. You’re just nitpicking.”
• C: Stumble through a vague response and move on.
• D: Say, “Interesting you’d question that now. I’ll double-check.”
• E: Reply, “I’m confident in the data, but I’ll review it to make sure we’re all on the same page.”

13. Your roommate ignores your request to share household chores, leaving you to do most of the work. How do you handle it?

• A: Say, “I’ve noticed I’m handling most chores. Can we create a fair schedule to share the load?”
• B: Confront, “You’re not doing any chores! Start pulling your weight.”
• C: Keep doing the chores to maintain peace.
• D: Leave a note, “The house doesn’t clean itself, you know.”
• E: Say, “I’m exhausted from all the chores. It’d mean a lot if you could pitch in more.”

14. Your boss schedules a meeting during your planned vacation day, assuming you’re available. What do you say?

• A: “I’m scheduled for vacation that day. Can we reschedule or find an alternative way for me to stay updated?”
• B: “I’m on vacation then. You can’t expect me to show up.”
• C: Cancel your vacation plans and attend.
• D: Say, “I guess my vacation’s ruined now, but I’ll be there.”
• E: Reply, “I really need that vacation day, but I’ll join if it’s critical.”

15. A friend shares a group photo online that you dislike, despite your request not to post it. How do you react?

• A: Message, “I noticed you posted the photo I wasn’t comfortable with. Can you take it down, please?”
• B: Comment, “I told you not to post this! Delete it now.”
• C: Ignore it and hope no one notices.
• D: Post, “Thanks for ignoring my request on that photo.”
• E: Say, “I’m hurt you posted that photo. I thought you’d respect my wishes.”

16. Your coworker asks for your help on a task, but it’s their responsibility, and you’re busy. How do you respond?

• A: Say, “I’m tied up right now, but I can guide you on how to tackle it yourself if that helps.”
• B: Reply, “That’s your job, not mine. Figure it out.”
• C: Drop your work to help them.
• D: Say, “Sure, I’ll help, but I’m swamped, so it might take a while.”
• E: Respond, “I’d love to help, but I’m stretched. Maybe ask someone else?”

17. Your manager overlooks you for a key project, assigning it to a less experienced colleague. How do you address it?

• A: Say, “I was hoping to contribute to that project. Can we discuss opportunities for me to take on similar roles?”
• B: Confront, “Why’d you pick them over me? I’m more qualified.”
• C: Accept the decision without comment.
• D: Tell a coworker, “Apparently experience doesn’t matter around here.”
• E: Say, “I’m disappointed I wasn’t chosen. I’d really value a chance to shine.”

18. A colleague’s frequent tardiness to meetings delays your team’s progress. How do you handle it?

• A: Say, “Your late arrivals impact our schedule. Can we work together to start on time?”
• B: Call out, “You’re always late. It’s wasting everyone’s time.”
• C: Start the meeting without them and let them catch up.
• D: Say, “Nice of you to join us, as usual.”
• E: Pull them aside, “I know you’re busy, but your tardiness slows us down. Can you help us stay on track?”

19. A friend is upset with you but avoids explaining why, creating tension. How do you approach it?

• A: Say, “I sense you’re upset with me. Can we talk openly to resolve this?”
• B: Demand, “What’s your issue? Stop acting weird and tell me.”
• C: Wait for them to bring it up, avoiding the topic.
• D: Say, “I guess you’ll let me know when you’re ready to talk.”
• E: Text, “I hate this tension. Please tell me what I did so we can fix it.”

20. Your coworker delivers a report with errors you flagged earlier, affecting the team’s reputation. How do you respond?

• A: Say, “I noticed the errors we discussed made it into the report. Can we review our process to catch these in the future?”
• B: Email, “You ignored my edits, and now we look incompetent.”
• C: Fix the errors yourself before the report is shared further.
• D: Tell another colleague, “Guess who didn’t bother checking their work again.”
• E: Say, “Those errors were tough to see. I tried to flag them—can we sync better next time?”

Scoring Guide

1. Count the number of times you selected each letter (A, B, C, D, E).
2. The letter with the highest count indicates your dominant communication style:
   • A: Assertive
   • B: Aggressive
   • C: Passive
   • D: Passive-Aggressive
   • E: Manipulative
3. If there’s a tie, you may blend styles depending on context (e.g., work vs. personal).
4. Record the distribution (e.g., 9A, 6C, 3D, 1B, 1E) to identify secondary tendencies.

Interpreting Your Results

Each communication style has distinct characteristics, strengths, and challenges. Below is a detailed analysis, including contextual triggers, impact, and strategies to shift toward assertive communication, which is often the most effective for balanced, respectful interactions.

Assertive (A)

• Description: You express your needs, opinions, and feelings clearly and respectfully, using “I” statements, calm tone, and open body language (e.g., steady eye contact, relaxed posture). You value others’ perspectives, seek collaborative solutions, and set boundaries confidently, adapting to context without losing authenticity.
• Strengths:
  • Fosters trust, mutual respect, and effective conflict resolution.
  • Enhances influence and credibility through transparent communication.
  • Promotes teamwork and clear expectations in personal and professional settings.
• Challenges:
  • Requires emotional control in high-stress or confrontational situations.
  • May be misperceived as aggressive in indirect or hierarchical cultures.
  • Demands ongoing self-awareness to avoid slipping into other styles under pressure.
• When it’s most common: Among confident individuals, in supportive environments, or after communication training. Often seen in effective leaders, mediators, or those with high emotional intelligence.
• Impact: Strengthens relationships, reduces misunderstandings, and boosts self-esteem. Encourages open dialogue and long-term cooperation.
• If this is your style: Refine your approach by adapting to diverse audiences (e.g., softening tone for sensitive individuals) and practicing assertiveness in high-conflict scenarios. Share your skills by mentoring others.
• To enhance assertiveness:
  • Use “I” statements to frame needs (e.g., “I need clarity on this” vs. “You’re unclear”).
  • Practice active listening to validate others before responding.
  • Set clear boundaries and reinforce them calmly (e.g., “I can’t take on more now, but let’s prioritize”).
  • Reflect on interactions to balance your needs with others’.

Aggressive (B)

• Description: You prioritize your needs or opinions, often at others’ expense, using forceful language, confrontational tone, or dominant body language (e.g., raised voice, pointing). You may interrupt, blame, or focus on winning, viewing disagreement as a challenge rather than a chance for dialogue.
• Strengths:
  • Conveys confidence and can drive action in urgent situations.
  • Ensures your voice is heard, particularly in competitive or chaotic settings.
• Challenges:
  • Alienates others, escalating conflicts and eroding trust.
  • Damages relationships, reducing cooperation and goodwill.
  • May yield short-term results but harms long-term credibility and collaboration.
• When it’s most common: In high-pressure environments, with dominant personalities, or when feeling threatened or disrespected. Common in hierarchical or competitive workplaces.
• Impact: Creates tension, stifles teamwork, and may lead to retaliation or avoidance. Can limit career growth due to perceived hostility.
• If this is your style: Focus on empathy and collaboration to build stronger connections.
• To become more assertive:
  • Pause before responding to manage emotional triggers.
  • Replace blaming language with “I” statements (e.g., “I’m concerned about the delay” vs. “You’re late”).
  • Listen actively to understand others’ perspectives before asserting your own.
  • Seek feedback on your tone and body language to adopt a calmer approach.

Passive (C)

• Description: You suppress your needs, opinions, or feelings to avoid conflict or disapproval, using minimal verbal or nonverbal cues (e.g., vague responses, avoiding eye contact). You prioritize others’ preferences, often feeling resentful or overlooked internally.
• Strengths:
  • Maintains short-term harmony and avoids immediate conflict.
  • Can be diplomatic in sensitive or hierarchical settings.
• Challenges:
  • Leads to unmet needs, stress, and potential burnout or resentment.
  • Reduces visibility and influence, as others may overlook your contributions.
  • Encourages others to take advantage, intentionally or not.
• When it’s most common: With low self-confidence, in authoritarian environments, or when fearing judgment. Often seen in new employees or people-pleasers.
• Impact: Erodes self-esteem, creates miscommunication, and limits growth. May lead to passive-aggressive behavior if resentment accumulates.
• If this is your style: Build confidence to voice your needs and recognize your value.
• To become more assertive:
  • Practice small assertions (e.g., “I’d prefer this meeting time”).
  • Use “I” statements to express needs (e.g., “I need more time to prepare”).
  • Set boundaries in low-stakes settings (e.g., “I can’t help now but can later”).
  • Boost self-esteem through journaling achievements or seeking supportive mentors.

Passive-Aggressive (D)

• Description: You express frustration or disagreement indirectly through sarcasm, subtle digs, procrastination, or nonverbal cues (e.g., sighs, eye-rolling). You avoid direct confrontation, but your behavior conveys discontent, often confusing or irritating others.
• Strengths:
  • Allows expression of emotions without overt conflict.
  • Can feel empowering in situations where directness seems risky.
• Challenges:
  • Creates mistrust and confusion due to unclear intentions.
  • Delays problem resolution, escalating tension and resentment.
  • Undermines credibility and may provoke reciprocal passive-aggressive responses.
• When it’s most common: When feeling powerless, resentful, or unable to be direct (e.g., with authority figures). Common in environments with poor communication norms.
• Impact: Damages relationships, prolongs issues, and reduces teamwork. May lead to isolation or being seen as unreliable.
• If this is your style: Shift to direct communication to resolve issues effectively.
• To become more assertive:
  • Identify barriers to directness (e.g., fear of conflict) and address them through reflection or support.
  • Replace indirect jabs with clear statements (e.g., “I’m upset about the oversight” vs. “Nice to be ignored”).
  • Address issues promptly to prevent resentment buildup.
  • Practice expressing needs in writing to clarify your message before speaking.

Manipulative (E)

• Description: You influence others indirectly to achieve your goals, using tactics like guilt, flattery, emotional appeals, or selective information sharing. You may appear cooperative but prioritize your agenda, masking intentions to control outcomes or avoid accountability.
• Strengths:
  • Can be persuasive in navigating resistant or complex audiences.
  • Effective for short-term goals in competitive or low-trust settings.
• Challenges:
  • Erodes trust when others detect hidden motives, damaging relationships.
  • Creates resentment or dependency, as others feel coerced.
  • Risks exposure, leading to conflict or loss of credibility.
• When it’s most common: In low-trust environments, with risk-averse individuals, or when directness feels ineffective. Common in sales, politics, or high-stakes negotiations.
• Impact: Undermines authentic relationships, reduces collaboration, and may lead to isolation if manipulation is uncovered.
• If this is your style: Focus on transparency and mutual benefit to build trust.
• To become more assertive:
  • State needs openly instead of using emotional tactics (e.g., “I need this by Friday” vs. “I’m so stressed without your help”).
  • Practice direct requests without embellishment or guilt-tripping.
  • Value others’ needs alongside your own for win-win outcomes.
  • Prioritize long-term trust over short-term gains.

Next Steps

• Reflect: Review your quiz results, noting your dominant style and secondary tendencies (e.g., high scores in passive and passive-aggressive). Consider specific scenarios where your style helps or hinders you.
• Set goals: If your style isn’t assertive, select one or two strategies from the “To become more assertive” sections to practice weekly (e.g., using “I” statements, addressing issues promptly).
• Practice: Start with low-risk situations (e.g., requesting a meeting time change) and progress to challenging ones (e.g., confronting a coworker’s behavior).
• Seek feedback: Ask trusted peers or mentors how your communication is perceived and where you can improve.
• Reassess: Retake the quiz after 4–6 weeks to track progress, especially if focusing on assertiveness. Consider retaking for specific contexts (e.g., work vs. home) to uncover variations.

Resources for Developing Your Desired Communication Style

To help you achieve your preferred communication style, particularly assertiveness, below is a curated list of credible, primary resources. These include authoritative books by recognized experts, evidence-based programs, and reputable organizations offering training or guidance. Each resource is selected for its focus on practical, research-backed strategies to improve communication.

Books

1. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler (3rd Edition, 2021)
   • Why it’s credible: Written by experts in organizational behavior and communication, backed by decades of research from VitalSmarts (now Crucial Learning). Widely used in corporate training and academic settings.
   • How it helps: Teaches skills for assertive communication in high-stakes situations, including how to express needs clearly, manage emotions, and foster mutual respect. Ideal for transitioning from aggressive, passive, or passive-aggressive styles.
   • Where to find: Available at major bookstores, libraries, or online retailers (e.g., Amazon, Bookshop.org). Check Crucial Learning’s website (cruciallearning.com) for related tools.
2. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg (3rd Edition, 2015)
   • Why it’s credible: Authored by Dr. Rosenberg, a renowned psychologist and founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC). Grounded in psychological research and global conflict resolution practice.
   • How it helps: Offers a framework for assertive, empathetic communication, emphasizing “I” statements, active listening, and expressing needs without blame. Useful for moving away from manipulative or aggressive tendencies.
   • Where to find: Available at bookstores, libraries, or online (e.g., Amazon, PuddleDuck Publishing). Visit cnvc.org for workshops and certifications.
3. The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships by Randy J. Paterson (2nd Edition, 2022)
   • Why it’s credible: Written by a clinical psychologist with expertise in cognitive-behavioral therapy, published by New Harbinger Publications, a leader in evidence-based self-help.
   • How it helps: Provides practical exercises to develop assertiveness, including scripts for “I” statements, boundary-setting, and handling pushback. Tailored for those transitioning from passive or passive-aggressive styles.
   • Where to find: Available at bookstores, libraries, or online (e.g., Amazon, New Harbinger’s website).

Training Programs and Workshops

4. Crucial Learning’s Crucial Conversations Training
   • Why it’s credible: Developed by Crucial Learning, a globally recognized training organization with peer-reviewed research and Fortune 500 clients. Facilitated by certified trainers.
   • How it helps: A structured course (in-person or virtual) teaching assertive dialogue skills for workplace and personal conflicts. Focuses on creating safety in conversations and balancing honesty with respect. Ideal for all styles seeking assertiveness.
   • Where to find: Visit cruciallearning.com for course schedules, pricing, and virtual options. Corporate discounts may be available.
5. Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) Workshops
   • Why it’s credible: Offered by CNVC, a global nonprofit founded by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, with certified trainers worldwide. Programs are rooted in psychological and conflict resolution research.
   • How it helps: Provides immersive training in empathetic, assertive communication, emphasizing needs-based dialogue. Helps shift from manipulative, passive, or aggressive styles to assertiveness through role-playing and practice.
   • Where to find: Check cnvc.org for workshop listings, online courses, and certified trainers in your region.
6. Dale Carnegie Training: Assertiveness and Self-Confidence
   • Why it’s credible: Delivered by Dale Carnegie & Associates, a century-old organization renowned for leadership and communication training, with programs based on psychological principles and practical application.
   • How it helps: Offers courses (in-person or online) to build assertive communication, self-confidence, and interpersonal skills. Includes techniques for setting boundaries and expressing needs clearly, ideal for passive or passive-aggressive communicators.
   • Where to find: Visit dalecarnegie.com for course details, schedules, and locations worldwide.

Organizations and Online Resources

7. American Psychological Association (APA) – Communication Skills Resources
   • Why it’s credible: The APA is the leading professional organization for psychologists in the U.S., providing evidence-based resources grounded in peer-reviewed research.
   • How it helps: Offers articles, guides, and webinars on assertive communication, conflict resolution, and emotional intelligence. Useful for understanding the psychology behind communication styles and transitioning to assertiveness.
   • Where to find: Visit apa.org and search for “communication skills” or “assertiveness” to access free and paid resources, including journal articles and consumer guides.
8. Toastmasters International
   • Why it’s credible: A global nonprofit with over 90 years of experience in public speaking and leadership development, with local clubs in 140+ countries.
   • How it helps: Provides a supportive environment to practice assertive communication through structured speaking and feedback sessions. Helps build confidence for passive communicators and refine delivery for aggressive or manipulative styles.
   • Where to find: Visit toastmasters.org to find local clubs, virtual meetings, or online resources like the “Pathways” learning program.
9. MindTools – Communication Skills Toolkit
   • Why it’s credible: MindTools is a reputable career development platform with content developed by experts in organizational psychology and management, used by professionals worldwide.
   • How it helps: Offers free and premium articles, videos, and templates on assertive communication, including how to use “I” statements, set boundaries, and handle difficult conversations. Suitable for all styles aiming for assertiveness.
   • Where to find: Visit mindtools.com and navigate to the “Communication Skills” section for free resources or subscribe for premium content.

How to Use These Resources

• If aiming for assertiveness: Start with Crucial Conversations or The Assertiveness Workbook for practical tools, and consider Crucial Learning or CNVC workshops for hands-on practice.
• If shifting from aggressive: Nonviolent Communication and CNVC workshops can help soften your approach and build empathy.
• If shifting from passive: The Assertiveness Workbook and Dale Carnegie’s assertiveness course are ideal for building confidence and practicing directness.
• If shifting from passive-aggressive: Crucial Conversations and MindTools resources can help you address issues directly and manage resentment.
• If shifting from manipulative: Nonviolent Communication and Toastmasters can foster transparency and authentic expression.
• Combine approaches: Read a book for theory, join a workshop for practice, and use APA or MindTools for ongoing tips. Journal your progress to track improvements.

For local options, search for CNVC trainers, Dale Carnegie courses, or Toastmasters clubs in your area. Always verify the credentials of trainers or programs to ensure quality.